Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Doing the Unex-Spectered

Doing the Unex-Spectered © 2009 Lynn Rebuck

Republicans were stunned today by Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter’s announcement that he switched parties. They thought he already was a Democrat.
Specter left the Republican Party because he heard that Obama said only Democrats would be able to get Tamiflu.
Specter said he was forced to switch parties because he lost party support after he voted for President Obama’s economic stimulus plan.
Republicans should have figured Specter was jumping ship when he kept scooting his Senate chair toward the center aisle.
Republican Pat Toomey had announced he was running against Specter in the Pennsylvania primary election and polls showed Specter trailing Toomey by twenty points. Specter decided he’d rather switch than fight.
Specter likes to flaunt his almost 30-year service in the Senate. When the caucus goes to Denny’s he always asks for the “seniority discount.”
Specter’s move puts the Democrats only one senator shy of having 60 seats in the Senate. If comedian Al Franken wins the contested senate seat in Minnesota, it means that the Democrats would be able to prevent Republican filibusters. Instead, Franken will perform non-stop monologues.
While Franken could become the first comedian elected to the Senate, he certainly wouldn’t be the first Democratic joker in office.
Senate Democrats are excited at the prospect of having 60 of their kind in the Senate. Imagine that…they can finally have full rosters in their softball league.
Democrats are thrilled because it means they can get the group discount for their next trip to Atlantic City. They’re putting up a sign on the bus already… “No Filibuster… or Bust.”
Specter said he didn’t want to lose his Senate seat because of the vote of Pennsylvania Republican primary electorate. I’m pretty sure that’s how the law works. You lose, you leave. But leave it to Specter, a lawyer, to find a loophole.
Wouldn’t it be something if Pennsylvania Republicans switch their registrations to Democrat to vote against Specter in the primary?
How about Air Force One flying over New York City and causing a scare? High ranking government officials thought New Yorkers could use a distraction from the swine flu outbreak.
Congress is worried about the swine flu. They don’t want it to affect their pork.
Speaking of budgets, it cost over $328,000 for the government to fly Air Force One over New York City … for a photo shoot.
It turns out the old photo was looking outdated. You could still see Dick Cheney hanging on to the wing.
Obama’s looking for ways to cut the budget and reduce the deficit. Here’s my suggestion: maybe his plane can go without its 8 X 10 glossies.
Obama marks his 100th day in office Wednesday with a prime-time television press conference. Fox is refusing to air the president’s speech. Apparently the network didn’t want to duplicate coverage. They already have one show in that time slot called “Lie to Me.” © 2009 Lynn Rebuck
Lynn Rebuck writes an award-winning weekly humor column for the Lititz Record Express. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.com/LynnRebuck and email her at LynnRebuck@Live.com

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